Sunday, August 28, 2011

On Crack.

Lately, I've been thinking of taking up smoking.  You see, I'm a stress eater.  Been a little stressed on and off the past couple of weeks, months, years.  When I get stressed, I put something in my pie hole.  So, I was thinking, if instead of putting food in the pie hole, what if I just smoked a cigarette?


I know, I know...there are all those health precautions about smoking, but isn't there just as many health precautions about being overweight?


The benefits of smoking for me would be calmed nerves and weight loss.  There would be less eating on my part.  And at one time, smoking was considered glamorous and classy.  Or, it made you appear more of a bad ass.  I'm thinking that either of those would be good for my image.


Of course, there are the downfalls.   I fight hard not to look older already.   I don't need more yellow teeth; it would be heck on the false teeth I have.  I don't want to smell like an ashtray.   Plus, I just can't afford it or the fancy cigarette holder that Aubrey Hepburn is rocking because that would be the way I would roll.  

I guess considering all that, I'll stick with eating, starting with these brownies.  They are as addicting as smoking or crack. They are too rich to eat in large quantities, but I guarantee, you won't stop thinking about them.  

Hardest part of recipe - opening the miniatures.  They're all I had.

Better-Than-Crack-Brownies
Stolen/borrowed recipe from How Sweet It Is
1 box brownie mix, made according to package directions
1/2 cup salted peanuts 
1 cup chopped Reese’s peanut butter cups
1 1/2 cup milk chocolate chips
1 1/2 cup creamy peanut butter
1/2 tablespoon butter
1 1/2 cups Rice Krispies Cereal
Mix brownies according to directions, and bake for 20-25 minutes in a 9 x 13 baking dish. Remove and top with peanuts and peanut butter cups, and bake for 4-6 minutes more.
While they are finishing baking, melt chocolate chips, peanut butter and butter. Stir in cereal. Remove brownies from oven and evenly pour chocolate mixture over top.
Refrigerate for 2 hours before serving.
Baggies of crack brownies to take to work and distribute.  


Wednesday, August 24, 2011

Disaster!

After yesterday's earthquake, I started thinking about disasters.  I spent a lot of time when I was young with my grandma.  Either she watched bad tv movies about disasters and let me watch them with her or she let me watch them unsupervised.  I'm not sure. All I know is that I was traumatized by the bad overacting in those movies.   This awesome video ripped open many doors to repressed disaster memories.  Watch it.   It is well-done with a rockin' soundtrack.  For fun, you should count how many times Ernest Borgnine makes an appearance.


I'm no stranger to disasters.  Look at these.

Bad hair disaster, circa 1991.

Royal icing disaster.  Never again.

Underestimating the size of the pan disaster. 

And again....

14-Layer cake kitchen explosion disaster. 

Bad photography disaster.  

Bad parenting decision disaster.  You don't want to see the "afters".

Burnt toast disaster.  Yes, toast.


What minor disasters have you had recently?

Monday, August 22, 2011

Puff Daddy

Sean Combs.  Sean John.  P.Diddy.  Puff Daddy.  Puffy.  Diddy.  King Combs.  Diddy Dirty-Money.


No matter what you call him, he is a winner.

German pancake.  Dutch baby.  Dutch puff.  Bismark.  Oven pancake.  Poofy pancakes.  Puff Daddy.


No matter what you call it, it is a winner.   At my house, we call it a Puff Daddy in honor of my love of P. Diddy.

I know it isn't pretty, but this quick little pancake can be made quickly and put in the oven to bake while you are in the shower getting ready for work.  When you get out, you have this poofy pancake that is best served with fresh fruit and syrup.  This recipe makes two poofy pancakes, great for eating one and heating one up the next morning.

Puff Daddy


4 eggs
1 c. milk
1 c. flour
1 tsp. sugar
3/4 tsp. salt
1/4 c. butter (1/2 stick)

Preheat oven to 425 degrees.  Whisk the eggs, milk, flour, sugar, and salt in a large bowl.  Divide butter between two 9-inch cast iron skillets or two 9-inch cake pans.  Place in oven until butter melts.  Swirl the melted butter around, coating the pans.  Divide the batter between the two pans.  Place pans on the center rack and bake until golden brown and the sides rise about the edge of the pans, 12 -15 minutes.  Cut into wedges and serve with fresh fruit and syrup.








Thursday, August 18, 2011

An Update

When we left last our blogger, she had a lump in her boob, a cranky oven, and an imminent divorce.  In the time since the last post, the lump is nothing but "reactive growth".  It isn't cancerous, it isn't a cyst that can be aspirated.  It is a solid , growing lump.  The doctor doesn't seem to be concerned because it isn't life threatening.  Maybe if it was the doctor's boob, she might feel more inclined to follow-up or offer reassurance.  Unfortunately, the blogger has had to continuously call the clinic for the update of the additional tests that they ran on the extracted tissue.

The oven of the food blogger is operating erratically, still burning things, still keeping things raw.  It has its own whims and acts on them accordingly.  The food blogger has taken to leaving sacrifices of food in the oven to no avail.  A sage burning to purify the oven of unclean spirits will be held later this month.  All are welcome to attend.  Don't expect cake - it will be burnt or raw.

And in less time than it took to get through the security at the family court, the blogger was officially divorced.  It was a big wadded up mess of emotions.  It was not a celebratory divorce nor was it a bitter divorce.  It just was a divorce that was unfortunate.  To rejuvenate herself, the blogger is taking the weekend before the official return to school to escape to the big city for a healthy dose of retail therapy and Krispy Kremes. I'm sure my doctor would recommend that, but she doesn't return calls.

What remedies do you recommend for lumpy boobs, bad ovens, and unfortunate ends?  

Thursday, August 4, 2011

Division of Assets

With divorce, there is a separation of assets. I thought that dividing the furniture was hard.  I was wrong.  Other divisions have been much harder.

There has been a separation of church and me.  I have imagined what people will say if I go back.  They probably wouldn't; they probably haven't.  They are good people, but I haven't heard from many of them.   This is a time when you don't reach out.  Emotionally there is nothing left for you to reach out with. 

There has been a separation of my cat and me.  My cat was a first anniversary present from Farmer Brown, a self-proclaimed cat-hater.  She is a tough ol' feline, surviving many trials on the farm.  She recovered from being wallowed by the dogs as a kitten and from losing most of her tail after a cow stepped on it.  Her meow box is broken.  She can barely squeak out a meow.  She loves the barn and being outside.  We would go for days and not see her.  Then, she would show up and rejuvenate herself by sleeping for several nights on top of my covers.  Now a 13-year old, her trips to the barn are getting fewer, her nights in the house more.  I miss her company but a non-refundable pet fee and lack of a barn would not suit her at the town house.

There has been a separation of our mutual friends and me.  It is a small town and people when they don't know what to say, avoid you in the store.  You see them and watch them hurry down a different aisle.  Hopefully, time and distance will take away some of the uncomfortableness we all are feeling.

There has been a separation of my home and me.  This was the home we started with dreams together.  This was the home where I planted fruit trees and flowers that are now bearing fruit and blooming.  This was the home that I brought both my babies home to.  This was the home I never thought that I would leave.

Wednesday, August 3, 2011

Once Upon a Time

Once upon a time, I had a garden.  It was overgrown.  It was weedy.  It was mine. 






At this time, I have no garden.  I do have a few pots of herbs and strawberries.  That just isn't enough dirt for me, though. 



Next year, I vow to have a garden again.   


In the meantime, I'm having to rely on the farmer's market and friends for my fix of summer tomatoes.  (The basil is all mine, though.)  This is Paula Deen's fancy party version of a simple tomato sandwich.  I served them for a brunch a few weeks ago. 


Tomato Sandwiches with Basil
Paula Deen and Friends: Living It Up, Southern Style by Paula Deen

4 slices of whole wheat bread
4 slices of white bread
1 onion, grated
1 cup mayonnaise
freshly ground black pepper
2 vine-ripe tomatoes, peeled and sliced into about 8 slices (I didn't peel mine.)
Seasoned salt
1 bunch basil

Place the tomato slices on cookie sheets lined with paper towels.  Allow to drain.  Cut bread rounds with a biscuit cutter the size of the largest tomato slices.  Stir together onion, mayo, and black pepper.   An hour before serving, sprinkle seasoned salt on the tomatoes; spread the mayo mixture on each bread circle;top each wheat bread circle with a tomato slice; place basil leaves on top; top with white bread circles.  Cover with damp towels and place in fridge until ready to serve.

*This made a large amount of mayo mixture.  Not a big fan of mayo, so I only put a small amount of mayo on each bread circle.  I doubled the amount of sandwiches and still had mayo left over.

 

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