Thursday, July 21, 2011

The Dirge

"Some days there won't be a song in your heart. Sing anyway."
~Emory Austin

There song in my heart today was a dirge.  It woke me up at 4 am for several nights this week and wouldn't allow me to go back to sleep.  When I did fall back asleep this morning, I didn't want to get out of bed.  It was going to be one of those mean red days.

I had company coming.  Company pulling into my driveway woke me up from the slump.  Company makes you at least get up and give them the courtesy of brushing your teeth and putting on a bra. 

My company seemed genuinely pleased that we were having a hearty breakfast of blueberry Eggo's with Aunt Jemimah.  She joined us and even drank straight-up cranberry juice with them without complaining.  She listened to me talk even though we were supposed to be working.  She didn't judge that I didn't shower. 

The dirge skipped a few beats and got slightly off rhythm. 

This afternoon for a treat, the kids and I went to Burger King for Coke Icees.  I think the medicinal qualities of Coke should be reexamined. 

The dirge was continuing, but it had lost some of its harmony and was breaking into discord.

This evening I needed love.  The caretaker in me finds it very difficult to put into words and ask for what I need.  I went and actively sought it out.  My friends took care of my kids while I floated in the pool.  They cooked me filets on their grill.  They made me and the kids laugh.  They brought out their best for me without me having to explain what I needed.  They just knew.  They just gave.

For tonight, the dirge is silenced.  I feel a new song underneath that is fighting its way to being heard.  It's singing there, waiting for me to join in. 


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